I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My bed smells like the plague
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
