Pappa wants mamma naked
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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