the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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