Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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