A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
