How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
