ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There are leaves in my underwear?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize