Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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