Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
