They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
