I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
