so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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