So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
