Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
