is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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