Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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