I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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