I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
