That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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