I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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