If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
