he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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