My underwear smells like fireworks.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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