And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
