as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
