I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
