i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
