i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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