where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
