both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
