dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
