Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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