I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
