I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
