I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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