I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
