Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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