She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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