you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just forgot I was standing up.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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