mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
