I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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