i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
