Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need moral support for this bender
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
