mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a hot homeless man
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
