My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
