I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
