Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my vag is so smooth its legendary
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
