I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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