i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
