You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
