Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
