So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
