Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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