he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
