I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
