CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
